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Opening Invocation

ॐ जननीं सारदां देवीं रामकृष्णं जगदगुरुम पादपद्मे तयो: श्रित्वा प्रणमामि मुहुर्मुहु :

Om Jananim Saradam devim Ramakrishnam jagadgurum Padapadme tayoh shritva pranamami muhurmuhuh.

Prema Nirvāchaṇa - The Definition of Divine Love

Introduction to Kāma and Prema

We are discussing the fourth chapter, Prema Nirvāchaṇa - what is the definition of love? Here we should not use the English word "love," but rather the Sanskrit word, because kāma and prema - the material is the same, the difference is what is the object.

Kāma means desire, prema also is desire. If it is desire for worldly objects, it goes by the name kāma. If it is devotion - the same desire for God - then it is called prema. What is the difference between these two? As a desire there is no difference, but in the result there is a difference.

The Three Defects of Kāma

What is the result? Kāma - any kāma - when you fulfill the kāma, it has three defects:

1. Asantaritya (Incompleteness)

Even if you are happy with that, you think "Oh, I should have enjoyed the other thing also." Complete dissatisfaction comes even when you are happy in one way.

2. Transformation into Opposite

It always changes into the other side. Sukha changes into duḥkha.

3. Strengthening of Saṃskāras

It strengthens the saṃskāra of desire and says "I want it again."

When Desire is Directed Towards God

What happens when the same desire is directed towards God?

No Asantaritya: There is no incompleteness because God is pūrṇa (complete).
No Duḥkha: There is no suffering because He is ānanda-svarūpa - sat, cit, ānanda.
Liberation, not Bondage: It doesn't produce bondage; it produces the opposite - liberation. It liberates us. Why does it liberate? Because you never want to get out of that.

The Indefinable Nature of Divine Love

Anirvachanīya - Beyond Description

How to define it? He said it is anirvachanīya - indefinable. Any desire for any worldly object is definable: desire for a house, desire for a partner, desire for children, desire for wealth, desire for position, desire for name and fame. Each excludes the desire for other things, focusing on one particular object.

Whereas bhakti is towards God. By definition, who is God? Everything. He includes everything. Therefore, how are you going to define it? It is not possible to define it.

The Limitation of Experience Communication

Why? No experience can be conveyed to another person. That's why Ramakrishna gives this beautiful example: A small girl asks her married elder sister, "What type of happiness do you get from your husband?" What is the answer? Only one answer: "When you get married, then you will come to know what it is."

Otherwise, how is she going to explain? Any experience, even bitterness - suppose you taste bitter gourd, somebody asks, "How is bitter gourd?" Bitter gourd is like bitter gourd. You know what we say about something very important: "How is Rāma-Rāvaṇa yuddha?" Rāma-Rāvaṇa yuddha is like Rāma-Rāvaṇa yuddha only. You cannot describe it.

The Nature of Devotee's Love

Suppose a devotee's devotion to God - is it like a worldly person trying to eat a sweet? It is not at all like that. Why? I gave three reasons why it is not like that. So proper definition is impossible.

Experience vs. Expression

But it doesn't mean a person doesn't experience. There are two things: A person experiences it, knows for himself what it is, but cannot express it. Experience and expression of that experience are completely two separate things.

The Poet Sarvajña's Wisdom

There is a poet, Sarvajña, who beautifully brings out common truths. In Kannada, Sarvajña is like Vemana in Telugu - common sense, everyday experience, highest wisdom comes out. Like that, you know one: You bring a black rat and go on washing it with soap and all that - it doesn't become white.

What does it mean? By svabhāva (nature), if something is like that, it is not possible to change it. This verse contains the highest truth.

The Highest Truth of the Ātman

What is the highest truth? If you are the Ātman, no one can make you non-Ātman. By any amount of saying that you are a beautiful body, beautiful mind, talented person, you can't make it so. If you are not the Ātman, nothing can make you Ātman.

That's why Swami Vivekananda laid the axe to the very root of the false philosophy of Christendom that man is a born sinner. If he is a born sinner, meaning by nature he is a sinner, he is never going to reach God. You may do all prayers, fastings and japa, Hail Marys - you are not going to reach God because that is not your nature.

But if it is your nature, no power on earth can prevent you from claiming your own true nature.

Mukha Āsvādanavat - Like a Mute Person's Experience

Mukha means a dumb fellow - completely dumb. You give him the highest pleasure by feeding or whatever. You can see his face shining with happiness, but he can never express it. We are not dumb in that way, but we are dumb in another way - it is not possible for us to express it.

What experience can you express? Tell me one experience which you can convey 100% to me. That is why there is a law: conveying the unknown through the known. That's all one can do.

Prakāśyate Kvāpi Pātre - It Manifests in Appropriate Vessels

But this may raise a doubt: If you can't define it and nobody can express it, how do we know that such a thing exists?

Prakāśyate kvāpi pātre - Pātra means an appropriate, fit vessel, instrument. This divine love manifests, and we see it.

The Story of the Bengali Baby

I told you the story of that Bengali baby who was asked by Holy Mother, "Do you love me?" "How much do you love me?" Suppose Holy Mother asks, "What is love?" Ask a baby, "Does your mother love you?" "Yes, yes, she loves me the most" - which is true. Now define that love.

Our normal understanding of love is that whatever I desire, Mother will just give. That is completely incorrect. Suppose the child says, "Mom, do you love me?" "Yes, yes." "Do you love me very much?" "Yes, yes." "So do you give me whatever I want?" "Yes, yes." "I don't want to go to school." She will catch hold of the ear, which is very painful, and drag the child. Because she loves, not because she doesn't love.

The American Lady's Experience with Swami Vivekananda

In America, one lady used to serve Swami Vivekananda. She used to get up at 3 o'clock. Living at a long distance, she would take a cab and reach Swami's residence - it used to take 2 hours. Again in the evening at 11 o'clock she would go. She would sleep only a few hours and was always working. And Swami would only be scolding her.

One day she complained, "Swami, whatever I do, nothing pleases you." Swami asked, not understanding, "Why do you talk like that?" "You are always scolding me." This had not come out. He put on a very innocent face and said, "Whom shall I scold? Shall I scold somebody who is walking on the street? I love you, and therefore I want your good. That's why I scold you."

Then she understood and was very happy. And then what happens? Suppose some day he doesn't scold her - she thinks, "Has he stopped loving me?"

The Paradox of Love and Discipline

Even if somebody is giving us pain or suffering, it need not be because of hatred. It could be because of pure love. Our teacher scolds us, sometimes beats us. A guru sometimes scolds us, most of the time. A guru who doesn't support the disciple is not a good guru at all, because only a person who is completely perfect doesn't need a guru.

What is the guru's discipline? He has to make the disciple go from imperfection to perfection. All disciples are not intelligent fellows, so he has to sometimes scold, sometimes even beat. Many things he will do if he is a sadguru.

Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa's Teaching on Three Types of Physicians

This is what Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa used to say - physicians are of three types:

The Lowest Type: Gives the medication, gives advice, and disappears.
The Middle Type: Enquires daily, "Have you taken it? Have you taken it?" And somehow for his sake the patient will try.
The First-Class Physician: If the patient doesn't take the medicine, will throw him down, put his knee on him, open his mouth, and put the medicine inside.

We read the lives of direct disciples - every direct disciple received very good scolding from Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa. And they knew it was all for their good.

The Nature of True Love

Love doesn't always mean only pleasant things. Unpleasant things are also there. Pleasant things are also there. Sometimes pleasant things come much later; unpleasant things come first.

That is why Holy Mother's saying: "Misery is a gift of God." Very hard to understand, harder to accept and behave accordingly. Believe me, if somebody betrays you - your husbands, your children don't care for you - there are two ways of looking at it:

"I must have done a lot of pāpa. That is why they are giving me this trouble."
"How gracious God is. I won't have that attachment towards them. And if you don't have attachment towards them, you already have tremendous attachment stored. Now that can be redirected more towards God."

The Example of Gopāla Mā

This is the simple fact. This is what happened in the 19th century. Many girls, especially in India, especially in West Bengal, at 3, 4, 5 years, they used to get married to men who were sometimes 30, 40, 50 years old. That's why they became child widows.

One such was Gopāla Mā, who later came to be known. She must have been born with great spiritual saṃskāras. She said, "I don't have anybody. So I will devote all my attachment towards Bhagavān in the form of a son - putra, Gopāla." And she became perfect.

That is why Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa showed her as an exemplar of vātsalya bhāva - how even the so-called wretched widows can transform their life instead of regretting why they did not get a husband.

The Five Categories of Love in Vaiṣṇavism

According to Vaiṣṇavism, love is divided into five categories:

1. Śāntā (Peaceful Love)

Jñānamārgis are supposed to be śāntas. They don't show emotional love - it is emotionless love.

2. Dāsya Bhakti (Servant-Master Relationship)

Hanumān is supposed to be the greatest exemplar of dāsya bhakti.

3. Sākhya Bhakti (Friendship)

The gopas, the friends of Śrī Kṛṣṇa. Śrī Kṛṣṇa tells Arjuna, "You are my greatest devotee, but you are also my greatest friend."

Swami Vivekananda's attitude towards Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa was sākhya. When he was alone in the shrine room, many people heard Swamiji addressing Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa not as "Prabhu" but as "Sakhā." That's why Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa also did not treat him as a servant, did not allow him to do menial jobs, and treated him like a friend.

4. Vātsalya Bhakti (Parental Love)

Chandramani Devi's attitude towards Ṭhākur was vātsalya - like Yaśodā's attitude, Kausalyā's attitude.

That's why the first thing in the morning prayer: Kauśalyā suprājā rāma pūrvā sandhyā pravartate... That means the beloved son of Kausalyā.

5. Madhura Bhāva (Sweetest Love)

This is the highest peak. That which comes later contains the earlier. Who is the greatest servant of a child? Mother - 24 hours she is only serving him. Similarly, who is the greatest servant of a husband? In this case, madhura bhāva.

That's why Lakṣmī Devī is always serving Nārāyaṇa. The idea is that all these earlier stages are included in the later stages. In madhura bhāva, all the other four attitudes are intensified. That is why it is called the highest.

Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa's Practice of Different Bhāvas

When Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa wanted to exemplify this for the ṛṣis, he asked them to be reborn as gopīs. For any appropriate expression, an appropriate instrument is necessary. The body of a woman who can think of God as her most beloved - no man can do that.

That's why Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa completely identified himself. He practiced madhura bhāva, but for that, first he meditated upon Rādhā Devī. He became completely one with Rādhā. It is said he even started having monthly periods - such was his hundred percent identification.

Similarly, when he wanted to serve Rāma, he meditated upon Hanumān, and they said even a tail had grown a little. This proves the psychosomatic effect - the effect of thought upon the body.

The Story of Uddhava and the Gopīs

The greatest example was when Śrī Kṛṣṇa wanted to show Uddhava what true bhakti was. He sent Uddhava to Vṛndāvana. The gopīs came and asked, "How is our Kṛṣṇa?" He said, "He is not at all good. He is suffering."

"Is there nobody who can relieve him?" "Yes, everybody knows the disease. Everybody knows the remedy. Nobody is willing to give the remedy."

"What is the remedy?" "Very easy. The dust of a devotee's feet - if it is put all over Kṛṣṇa's body, immediately the disease will be cured."

"Why are people not giving it?" "Because they are frightened. If the dust of their feet is put on Bhagavān's body, according to bhakti śāstra, they will have to suffer in naraka for billions of years."

The gopīs said, "What type of devotees are they?" They started fighting with each other: "Take the dust of my feet! Take the dust of my feet! First come, first served!"

Then Uddhava understood: "I don't want any happiness for myself. I am prepared to go through any number of narakas. I want only the happiness of my beloved."

Three Types of Love

They divided love into three categories:

Selfish Love: I don't care whether you are happy or not. I want to be happy.
Exchange Love: I want me also to be happy. I want you also to be happy. Give and take.
Selfless Love: I don't care for my happiness. I only care for your happiness.

The gopīs represent that highest type of love.

The Nineteen Signs of Mahābhāva

What are the effects of this love upon the body? Nineteen signs: unstoppable tears, the throat becomes choked, sweat constantly pouring, blood coming out of the joints - nineteen such manifestations are called mahābhāva.

If even one such manifests in any devotee, there is doubt whether the person will live or die. Nineteen such manifestations spontaneously at the same instant manifested in the body of Rādhā Rāṇī, and when Ṭhākur meditated upon her, the same mahābhāva manifested in Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa.

All the great souls - Līlā Prasanna, Rāmakṛṣṇa, Swamiji, Ātmānanda, even Mīrā and others - they are all Rādhā Devī's aṃśas. They are not ordinary people. They are born to show that these are not stories or fantasies, but realities in life.

The Characteristics of Divine Love

Prakāśyate Kvāpi Pātre - Manifestation in Pure Vessels

If there is a purified body and mind, in that body divine love manifests. How do we know? You don't need to reason it out. The moment you go there, immediately you understand it, or you may not understand it but you feel it. How do you know? You don't want to get away from there.

People used to run to Holy Mother. What did she have to offer? Not much in the form of physical happiness - good food, rasagullās, nothing. Just ordinary food. But people used to run. Why? Because that love nobody else can give.

A Beautiful Incident with Holy Mother

One day a woman came with her son, and the moment the son came, he ran to Holy Mother and sat in her lap. Holy Mother loved that child and started feeding him. Then that boy's real mother said, "Mā, look at this strange thing. When I want to feed him, he doesn't eat. But in your lap he is eating like a horse."

Then Mother said, "Don't you utter evil words towards my son."

Holy Mother's love is impossible to describe. Who was Holy Mother? Never separate her from Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa:

Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa prema sāradhūnī karuṇā rūpiṇī

Mama Śrī Rāmakṛṣṇa tapo sūrya kiraṇa bimba carindike

She absorbs the harshness of the sun and grants us only that which is beneficial for us.

Modern Examples of Divine Love

The Story of the Devoted Wife

When I was in the UK, a devotee told me about a family where the husband was not a devotee but the wife was an initiated devotee. Most of the day she was occupied in worship, doing japa. In time she was diagnosed with advanced cancer, and the doctor said at most 6 months.

The moment she heard it, she told her family, "I don't want to see anybody else." She never allowed other devotees or friends - nobody was allowed. Twenty-four hours she was absorbed in prayer.

Three days before her passing, she called her husband and said, "Three days hence, all of you be present here. Don't go anywhere." They asked why. She said, "Holy Mother told me that she will come and take me on that particular day."

This husband was not a devotee and did not believe it. On that day they were present. She asked them to do a little bhajan, and she herself was absorbed. After some time she suddenly said, "Mā āsche" (Mother is coming). "Āmāy niye jāche" (She is taking me), "Āmi jāchi" (I am going). "May Mother bless you." She said this and left the body.

Later the husband narrated: "I did not believe this. I thought she was having superstitions only. But when she said Holy Mother had come, the whole room was filled with divine light, and I could experience it. There is no way to deny it. From that day some change has come into me."

The Swami in Jaipur

Recently one Swami died in Jaipur. He was ill for several years and was a great devotee of Holy Mother. Towards the last, he was only reading the Gospel of Holy Mother - Māyer Kathā.

One midnight he suddenly got up in the special Premānanda ward meant exclusively for monks. He called out to the two or three Swamis who were there: "Mā has come. She wants me to go. I am going." They were all looking at him. He simply said this and then left.

Even today, don't think these are all old examples. Only thing is, we must have the eyes to observe who is doing what.

The Indefinable Qualities of Divine Love

Guṇa Rahita - Beyond Qualities

How to describe divine love? It is indescribable. Why? Because it is guṇa rahita (beyond qualities). Description means what? You don't describe a substance; you describe only the guṇas (qualities).

If you want to introduce someone to me, I will ask for some description: "She is beautiful, she is fair-looking, she is doing this job." What are all these things? Qualities - physical qualities and mental qualities.

But this love is guṇa rahita. What is guṇa? How many guṇas are there? Sattva guṇa, rajo guṇa, tamo guṇa. This divine love is beyond all guṇas.

Kāmanā Rahita - Free from Desire

It is also kāmanā rahita (free from desires). At least you could say this person loves because of rajo guṇa, but no kāmanā is there. He only wants God, and we don't know anything about God. So how are we going to know about Him?

Pratikṣaṇa Vardhamamāna - Ever-Increasing

This divine love is pratikṣaṇa vardhamamāna (ever-increasing). What happens with desire for every worldly object? The more you enjoy, the less will be your desire for enjoyment.

Suppose a person loves rasagullā. You bring the rasagullā. The person is very hungry. At 12 o'clock exactly, he takes the first bite - it gives 100% happiness. Second bite, 90%. Finally, if he eats 3-4 rasagullās, after that, if you offer him more, he will refuse.

Whereas here it is pratikṣaṇa vardhamamāna. Why? God is ananta-svarūpa (infinite in nature). "Oh, you have this aspect. I never knew about it. Oh, you have this also. That is even more wonderful than the other one." Infinite shades or varieties of the same will grow and grow.

Avicchinna - Unbroken

It is avicchinna (unbroken). All our desires are completely broken. Even if you love something 100% or 1000%, you can't live with it for a long time without a break.

That's why I have devised a special formula for eating sweets: It should be a good sweet - first-class sweets and good Andhra avakāya (pickle). Try alternating between them. Any sweet - take one handful, then a little bit of avakāya. The second sweet will taste exactly like the first one because you are providing the opposite taste.

But this divine love doesn't know its opposite. No worldly sukha is avicchinna. You have to give a good break. After eating, you can't enjoy it any longer. You have to wait at least 5-6 hours until it is completely digested and you are hungry again.

Whereas this divine love is avicchinna - it never diminishes and there is no break in it, 24 hours. What does it mean? Whether you are in waking state, dream state, or dreamless state, that continuous awareness of divine joy will be pervading our lives.

Sūkṣmatara - Most Subtle

It is sūkṣmatara (most subtle). Whatever is gross is more limited. The subtler, the more unlimited. The subtlest is even more unlimited. Beyond the subtlest, there is something which cannot be expressed at all.

The subtler it is, the more pervading it is. That is the law. This divine love is sūkṣmatara.

Anubhava Rūpam - To Be Experienced

Above all, it has to be anubhava rūpam (experienced). I may describe it for 365 days; you will never have any understanding.

I will give a small example: You have read about sugar. What is your knowledge of sugar? Nothing. Somebody brings sugar and keeps it in front of you. "Oh, this is white, these are granules." You bring one granule and keep it 100 millimeters away from the tongue. What is your experience? Absolutely nothing. Whether it is a piece of chalk or whether it is really sweet, you have no knowledge at all.

One grain touches your tongue, then you know 100%. And you will never forget it in a billion lives. Sugar means it is like this. This is what is called anubhava rūpam - it has to be experienced.

Every love also has to be experienced. When mother loves, it is anubhava rūpam. How does it come? The way she looks, the way she touches, the way sometimes she may even be angry. But we know that anger is also the result of her love. She won't be angry with neighbors and others; she will be angry only with her children for their good, because she loves.

Conclusion

These beautiful aspects of divine love we will discuss in our next class.

Closing Prayer